I Am Not Your First
by mishka-chan
Summary: That is what set me apart, my blind trust while knowing that I am not your first. Oneshot, Yaoi, angsty.


Yes, I know this is short. I would really appreciate it if you would review. Thank you.

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I Am Not Your First

By: Mishka-chan

I shivered as my back hit my best friend's cool bed sheets, half of my clothing already missing. Was that a bad thing? Probably. The way Sasuke regarded me, his eyes flaming up sharply with desire and knowledge of what was coming next, informed me that this was not new to my friend. Hell, the stories should have told me that. I was different though. I, Naruto, was different to Sasuke than all of those faceless sex partners that never lasted after he landed them in bed, some would last a little longer if he deemed them good enough. I was different though, right? _I _hand been Sasuke friend though thick and thin. _I_ had made the water between Sasuke and myself somehow thicker than the blood between Sasuke and Itachi. _I_ had. That was the difference. I had been in love with Sasuke for so long, so long. The only one any wiser was Sakura and Kakashi-sensei, both trying to stop me.

But how does one stop a moth's path to the flame? Simply put, you don't. A flame is an enticing thing, a thing that somehow shines through the darkness and brings you warmth, like a lover's touch. So was I enticed to Sasuke's arms, form a young age up. Suck a cold child, lonely and standoffish. I searched for attention form those better than me, while he searched for acceptance and praise in the beds of bawdy teenagers. Perhaps he was drawn to the flame like I was. Then again, since when had Sasuke ever been the prey and not the predator? I only think he played prey in Itachi's sick games, but when have I ever been sure? I was not sure what was going to happen this night, but it was with Sasuke, so I must be safe. Here I lay actually trusting the predator, Sasuke, with the prey, my body.

I am naïve; I have never experienced the flirt of casual whistle of another human ever. I am not attractive; I know this. I am too bright, too tan, too loud, a mix of too many extremes. He however was a mix of subtle and extreme creating an edgy beauty that couldn't be denied. Even though I knew this, he would whisper, "you're beautiful," and I would believe him. I was new to this, he an old player. I knew this, yet when he told me I felt incredible and questioned, rhetorically of course, whether or not it was really my first time. I was not his first, but he was mine. Even though I knew all of these things, that the numbers of his encounters were into really tall numbers, he would whisper, "my God, you are the best I have ever had," and I, being the naïve fool I was known as, believed him. He was rough with me at times during that night, where my back hit the covers of another's bed for the first time. It hurt; my God it hurt. He told me it wouldn't, that it would feel better soon. It never felt better, just pain and pain and pain. I was with Sasuke, I was different than those others with Sasuke, I was in love with Sasuke, so I pretended that it felt good, while covertly stroking myself with the intention of making it look like I was on the edge and could take no more. Not that it mattered to him, but I like to believe it did. When we met at the bridge the next morning, and he did not offer to go anywhere with me, I was shocked, you would be too.

I was different. I was different than all of those one-night stands.

Some believed that they were your first, and one lucky being out there must have been.

Some knew they weren't your first, but also knew that you would leave them in them in the morning.

I was the only one who knew, who knew you intimately, who knew you jumped from bed to bed like some flea on a dogs back, who knew I was not your first.

Who knew and yet was naïve enough, stupid enough, to believe that you really would be there. To really believe that, to believe that you really loved me.

That is what set me apart. That was what made me different. My blind trust in you while knowing that I am not your first.


End file.
